Why did the chicken cross the road?

  • Why did the chicken cross the road?

  • Doctor Anna

    March 1, 2021 at 22:35

    Albert Einstein Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

    Aristotle To actualise its potential.

    B.F. Skinner Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

    Buddha If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.

    Carl Jung The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

    Charles Darwin It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

    David Hume Out of custom and habit. Douglas Adams Forty-two.

    Emily Dickinson Because it could not stop for death.

    Epicurus For fun.

    Ernest Hemingway To die. In the rain.

    Henry David Thoreau To live deliberately… and suck all the marrow out of life.

    Hippocrates Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

    Jack Nicholson ‘Cause it fucking wanted to. That’s the fucking reason.

    Jacques Derrida Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

    Jean-Paul Sartre In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

    J.F. von Goethe The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

    Karl Marx It was a historical inevitability.

    Ludwig Wittgenstein The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualisation of this potential occurrence.

    Machiavelli So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.

    Mark Twain The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

    Nietzsche Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

    Plato For the greater good.

    Pyrrho the Skeptic What road?

    Ralph Waldo Emerson It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

    Salvador Dali The Fish.

    The Sphinx You tell me.

    Thomas de Torquemada Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

    Timothy Leary Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

    Werner Heisenberg We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

    Zeno of Elea To prove it could never reach the other side.

  • Duncan Hill

    March 2, 2021 at 10:20

    forgive my pedantry, but Heisenberg should be: “We don’t know where it was on the road, but we know exactly how quickly it was crossing.”

    • Doctor Anna

      March 2, 2021 at 10:26

      Yes, that makes sense. Just ignore Jay, he is a grumpy cunt.

      • Doctor Anna

        March 2, 2021 at 10:31

        Hahaha, well, it doesn’t need to make sense. Blaggard is above pedantry ??

    • Doctor Anna

      March 2, 2021 at 10:33

      Whilst we are entertaining pedantry, shouldn’t “forgive” have a capital F?

      • Duncan Hill

        March 2, 2021 at 11:19

        Yes you should definitely Forgive me (is that better? :D)

  • Doctor Anna

    March 2, 2021 at 10:22

    Sorry, no forgiveness of pedantry here ?

  • Duncan Hill

    March 2, 2021 at 11:28

    Feynman: To take the road from a different point of view.

    Here’s a family one:

    J J Thomson: Because the chicken is a particle, Son.

    GP Thomson: Because the chicken is a wave, Dad.

    Mrs Thomson*: Come on boys, maybe you’re both right?

    *the the original, albeit sadly uncredited discoverer of wave-particle duality.

  • Commander Octopus

    March 2, 2021 at 12:30

    Magritte: Ceci n’est pas un Poulet.

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0 of 0 posts June 2018